To Whom It May Concern:
Here I am. I have committed egregious sin, father, and I feel it is time that I made confession for it. I have committed one of the seven deadly sins. IT’s actually number eight. I haven’t posted in this blog since some time last year. (Yes. I can say that.) I hope you will forgive me, but I have been quite busy. I only had time to write one letter, and, quite frankly, Santa has a tighter deadline. However, now that I have robbed that old man of cookies (and presents) and broken in the New Year (by break dancing), I am at last free to draft this account of my doings, readings, hearings, non-seeings, and lack of various celebrity sightings. I merely hope that it is accurate and explanatory. I make no representation to its completeness; for it would be presumptuous of me to assume I could give a full account of the last twenty-four hours, let alone an entire month (give or take). However, I shall try to reflect what I do portray in as accurate (or entertaining) a light as possible.
Where shall I begin? I suppose at the beginning would be the stock answer, but I shall forgo the ordinary and jump around as I see fit. For, as you may know, to do the ordinary does not stretch the bounds of imagination. There is nothing extraordinary about the ordinary and unoriginal. Besides: As a wise man once said in a certain movie (brownie point reference 1), “Most men, they’ll tell you a story straight through. It won’t be complicated, but it won’t be interesting either.”
2010
I suppose I’ll begin with a rather obvious fact. Well, it’s obvious to anyone who owns a calendar… Unless they haven’t done something to that calendar. The something they must do (or have already done – if they are intelligent, which for the purposes of clarity we will assume you and the person whose calendar you are currently looking at are) is change it to the year 2010. I will not attempt to answer the age (or four-day) old question of whether the correct pronunciation is “Two Thousand and Ten” or “Twenty Ten”; to be perfectly honest, there are many things which I care more about. Like the Vietnamese Version of NASCAR. (For the record: I’m not really sure if that exists. This serves to illustrate how much I care) I do tend to pronounce the current year of our lord both ways – and until told differently by a court of law, I shall continue this practice.
Over all, I am quite pleased with the fact that it is now 2010. My theory is this: Anything worth saving from 2009 has been saved by me or others; and anything worth forgetting or losing, well, it’s permanently stuck to my old calendar with the festive piece of chewing gum I attached to December 31, 2009. This year I have a chance to start fresh; I have the unique opportunity, which I only share with everyone else in the world, to turn over a new leaf. Alternatively, I could decide that I don’t want to turn over a new leaf to avoid the risk of poison Ivey or a colony of ants infiltrating my jeans.
I have very little as far as “resolutions” go. I’ve discovered, after years of the obligatory “I will lose weight,” “I will be a nicer guy,” and “I will stop sending old ladies e-mails pretending I work for a foreign bank and only need a $300 deposit before I can make them millionaires” resolutions, that these typically do not last past the fourth or fifth day of the year. (A guy needs money somehow, right?) So I have made a very simple resolution: I will endeavor with every fiber of my being to be myself in the next year. I will deviate in no way from the crushing responsibility of uniqueness, and will very probably not change the way I am for people. (Unless they offer me money – are you noticing a trend here?) I would make a promise to post more confessional letters to this blog, but again. It’s only the fourth of the year. Let’s see if it sticks.
Things I Have Done Recently
- Sit around and watch episodes of iCarly on Nickelodeon
- Record tracks for the upcoming Right V. Real album and pretend I know what I’m doing as a producer
- eat more food than is probably healthy for me
- Begin a rigorous workout pattern with the Wii fit that has recently invaded our sunroom. (Jackknifes, Baby)
- Play guitar
- School Work, of Course (Don’t give me that look)
What People have Done to Me
- Given me a new Acoustic Guitar for Christmas
- Dumped me: Yeah, this one needs explanation. So apparently after things started going down, Tiger decided it wasn’t a good idea and broke it off. (That’s a joke. I swear. The real story is quite a bit less fun, and I don’t want to develop carpel tunnel)
- Video-taped me break dancing in 2010: A video I hope never gets on the Internet
What I’ve Been Reading
- The Lord of the Rings Series: Surprising, but I have never read these. Now I Have. The verdict: Not bad at all. 4.5/5
- More Information Than You Require: The sequal to John Hodgman’s first book of “complete” world knowledge, this one is hysterical. Highly recommended: the audio books from Audible.com. You get so much more. I promise. Rating: Not Finished Yet
- The Dragon riders of Pern Series: Really well done fantasy. Fantastic read. I’m actually giving it a re-read, Just Because I Can. Plus, I’ve always been partial to dragon literature. Rating: 4.8/5
Movies I’ve Seen
- Sherlock Holms: Good movie. Rather confusing at parts, but it made sense at the end. I remember this series of thoughts: “Wow, this is getting intense, but I think I get what’s going on. Okay, I think I… WTF?”
- Alvin and the Chipmunks – The Squeakquel: Very heartwarming film. One of those films you go expecting fun and you leave with a warm feeling in your tummy. I laughed, I cried, I thought about life. And let’s face it. Singing *GIRL* chipmunks? In the words of one of my idols (brownie point reference 2), “Sha-wing.”
What I’ve Been Listening To
The simple answer is: A lot. And I mean… A Lot. I’ve heard the new Cartel record, Paramore, John Mayer, Jason Mraz live, Owl City, and tons more. I’ve loved some, hated some, but I’ve absolutely been busy on records lately. I’ve debated doing a “Best Albums of 2009” list, but quite frankly, (A) everyone else will, and I’ve already stated that I wish to be unique, and (B) I can’t pick. So. You decide for yourself. Just go buy all of it. Now. Take out a loan. Who needs college?
Final Summations
My client, Shane Dittmar, is not guilty. There is no way he could have committed the crime of which he is accused, and I have shown that today. I have proved that just because he has completely neglected his blog, that doesn’t mean he has forgotten it – and that Yes, Mrs. English Teacher, I can write long papers. So there.
Anyway, I’ve been writing this for quite a while now, and I think that is plenty for you to digest for the time being. I have tons of stuff on my plate at the moment, and I haven’t touched on that stuff at all. I have band stuff, label stuff, looking for a job, volunteer stuff, and my appointments with the Wii lady trainer I chose – I think I called her Gloria. In any case, spending close to an hour concentrating on nothing but writing this super letter has taken its toll on me. I feel it is now time to actually turn back on my music and do something else. Maybe I’ll watch Drake and Josh.
Sincerely Yours,
Lonelygirlfriend2010
<3
P.S: I have never used that screne name in my life. I promise.
That was Epic bro!